4 am

Its quite. I am sitting on the mattress and wishing for a ticket to fly somewhere. Doesn't matter where. I can imagine myself by the window, looking at the city becoming a dot. Oh I want to feel the turbulent flow. I need it so bad. I feel like its the only place where I can feel relaxed. I feel like the earth holds too much worries for me. Worries I come up with mostly.

I want to fly away.

P.S.

BirthDays.

I always make big ass plans, get all excited.
And at the end something goes wrong.
I like Birth Days. Drinks, Friends, Candles....
SO this one, I wont wait for it.
Won't make any plans. If something happens.
It will happen. With or without my excitement.


"asking someone to say they love you is like buying
yourself a birthday present. It's more than likely exactly
what you want. But it must make you feel awfully sad to get it."

So Far....

I feel very weird here. I am trying to see the bright moments of these past days I am here. And I am not sure I can count more than just a little less than not much.
My Father has reminded me how much he loves to drink and bring up his feelings. How fucking bad he feels that HE let me go to NY. Funny, how he is the same guy who let his new wife throw his 15 yo daughter away a year before I and my brother got a chance to come to NY. Yeah ok, he feels bad about me leaving the shit hole and go to NY. this BS still amazing to me.
And now he finally get to see me, for as little as a week. And what he does, he gets drunk, acts stupid and falls asleep.
My Brother on the other hand made me feel like a little sister. Got me to smile and laugh like old times. I didnt even know I loved him so much and missed. And for sure i had no clue he missed me and needed me to listen to him so much.
The rest of the family besides kiddos, ARE BIG BS AND DRAMA!
(And its only has been 3 days. feels like weeks.)

I had a great Night

Almost Perfect Night! I love being treated like a Princess. But not all the time. I get spoiled easy...

(BTW I want that for Christmas, Santa!)
.

Los Angeles.

I love it here.

But I wouldn't move to LA.
Even tho I might have to end up there.
It so slow here after NY.
It's so clean and quite.

But she was just having a bad dream. Really, she's okay now.

Today was just a recovery day. Last night was fairly amazing, but it still had its downturns.
I realize that Girls Night Out never turns out to be just Girls. And it kinda upsets me, but not
after the check is payed and we are heading to another place. Boys can be useful.
Tomorrow will be different, it'll be me, pot and Sarah, cruising my neighborhood. So ye, if you won't see us online anymore, look for us somewhere in the dumpsters on Russian Ave.
I am kinda excited about the end of this week. Saturday I will be very gone, not a care in the world.
Just Jacuzzi, Wine, and Illegal Enjoyment.
P.S. Maybe I will move it to Fri.

I am driven by sexuall desires

What do we really know about the person we are with. What do we really understand about them.
I never try to go deep in, well at least not anymore. The first thing that interest me, is how good they are in bed. Sex ruins and drives the relationship to the Ideal Thing. It is selfish, some guys with small penises might say. But I am very picky. I rather deal with ur problems in life than deal with you being a bad fuck. I have seen so many gorgeous man, and end up leaving them right after they fall asleep. I have seen the girls that make me go crazy about them, but it all disappears right after they take their cloths off and go down. Please, I don't judge, and I know everything comes with experience. But you will have to really get to me, that I will even try to make something out of it.
I believe in love, and stuff. But I don't believe in laying there trying to pretend that I enjoy a min of being under you. I waste a lot of time in my life, but I will never waste the time of my sex.